If you’ve ever wanted to improve a relationship, all it takes is asking yourself three simple questions.

It’s called Naikan. And it’s a daily meditation that can work wonders with any relationship.

Gregg Krech, a representative with the To Do Institute who recently wrote a book on Naikan, says a man named Yoshimoto Ishin developed the practice in the early 1940s.

Mr. Krech says Naikan means “inner observation,” or “seeing one’s self through the mind’s eye.” The structure for this self-reflection is built around three questions:

What did I receive from _______?

What did I give to ___________?

What troubles and difficulties

did I cause _________?

Naikan is commonly practiced while reflecting on a single relationship, like your relationship with your spouse or parent, for a defined period of time. The questions remain the same, but you may be reviewing a period of months or years instead of just one day.

You can write down your answers or just review them mentally. When answering the questions, be specific. For example, instead of answering that you received support from your husband or wife, try to find examples of their support. Whether you share your answers is up to you — sharing your responses isn’t part of the meditation process.

The practice works, according to Mr. Krech, because it opens the mind up to another person’s point of view. It forces individuals to recognize both the other person’s contributions to the relationship and their own.

“In Japan, Naikan has been used for decades as a therapeutic technique and conflict resolution tool in the workplace, marriage counseling, addiction clinics and prisons,” Mr. Krech says.

Mr. Krech says Naikan is typically used only when a relationship is in trouble. Ideally, however, people should have an ongoing practice of self-reflection to prevent relationships for getting into trouble.

“This ongoing practice of self-reflection also helps us to cultivate a genuine sense of gratitude for what is given to us in our lives and how we are supported by others,” he says.

Dr. Russell Phillips, a professor of psychology at Missouri Western State University, says he believes any meditation is beneficial for relationships. But he doesn’t recommend getting too wrapped up in the content of each question.

“Meditation can bring up insights unrelated to the question,” he says. “The point is giving yourself the mental 'space’ to examine the topic at hand.”

Dr. Phillips says there are several other meditation techniques designed to improve relationships.

“One neat meditation I’ve heard (about) was to meditate with your partner, focusing on their breathing or looking into their eyes,” he says. “It builds empathy and compassion and connection with your partner.”

For more information on Naikan, visit www.todoinstitute.org/naikan.html.

Betsy Lee can be reached

at betsylee@npgco.com.