The average scoop of snow weighs about 30 pounds. That’s not, of course, Tuesday’s wet snow that preceded the major snowstorm that hit early Wednesday morning. That snow was fluffy, light and deep.

Clearing a two-car driveway that is 30 feet deep boils down to a simple matter of mathematics. The driveway is nine scoops wide for the average male shoveler. That means our average Joe is moving about 270 pounds of snow each row.

To clear that double-wide driveway by hand, our human snow removal machine will need to complete about 30 rows. That figures out moving about 6,750 pounds (or roughly 3.5 tons) of snow.

The average female Asian elephant weighs about 7,000 pounds. So, the denizens of the Midland Empire now understand how to eat an elephant: one shovel at a time.

Enough snow already. For that matter, enough snow stories. Our patience has worn thin. It’s time for a ray of optimism, a warm beam of hope.

Pitchers and catchers show up for spring training this week. That is encouraging. Better yet, the Kansas City Royals signed one-year deals late last week with outfielder Mark Teahen and pitcher Zack Greinke in a move that should prevent a nasty salary fight during spring training.

If you are still a Royals fan, this is the best time of the year. New manager. New talent. And, finally, the club has a general manager, Dayton Moore, who appears to have a plan for restoring pride in the powder blue.

The team finished 2007 with yet another disappointing record of 69 wins and 93 losses. But at least the club didn’t finish with another 100-loss season. My prediction is that the Royals can pick up 10 more wins this year. That won’t win a division. But mediocrity will look good compared to the team’s disgusting pattern of futility.

The Farmer’s Almanac will tell you that gardeners can plant just about any root plant in February. My guess is that the almanac might be jumping the gun a bit. My mother contends the gardening season starts with the planting of potatoes on St. Patrick’s Day. Ironically, I think that wisdom came down from her father, a Norwegian.

Fortunately, everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, which is great for the local Ancient Order of Hibernians. Those good fellows are working on putting on another great parade this spring. They also organized a very successful barbecue cook off last year to raise money. The question now is whether the city will be able to figure out a way to make money off that event this year. There is talk that the city might make every participant buy a $25 city permit this year.

Trout fishing starts officially on March 1 in Missouri. Deputy Mayor Mike Hirter, an avid trout fisherman, can be expected to wade in the cold water of Bennett Springs on that day. I am a less avid fisherman. Still, I try to get my hook in the water at least once before April 15. I consider fishing a relaxing endeavor that falls just short of actually earning hobby status. Fishing is the best excuse ever discovered by man for doing absolutely nothing. The trick is not to let the wives find out.

Take heart, winter sufferers; spring overflows with hope. Robins will start showing up this week, I bet. Not long after their arrival, the trees will start to bud. I recommend everyone celebrate the end of winter with a walk or a jog on the city’s Riverwalk. The Missouri River is spectacular when it sheds its dull, gray winter coat to drape itself in the emerald raiments of spring. If you are lucky, you will catch a glimpse of my favorite bluebird as it darts through one of Joetown’s better-kept secrets.

The red-letter day for spring’s hope falls on May 29 this year. It does, at least, on my calendar and the calendar of as many as 11,432 students in the St. Joseph School District. That is the last day of school, unless snow closings nudge that date into June. Ugh.

Aaah, the last day of school. Even to this late day for me, the mere mention of that unofficial schoolboy holiday makes my heart go pitter-patter. No more books. No more teachers’ dirty looks.

There is a movement afoot to start school here a couple of weeks earlier in order to open more time for the district’s “holiday” break. The goal is to give the students a better break before starting the second half of the year. Proponents make some pretty arguments based on mid-term tests and the start of fall sports. The weaker argument is that some parents would take off for a vacation to the ski slopes, or even Europe, if more time was available.

I approach this debate strictly as a victim of arrested development. The early start will rob young people of summer. Add in a few snow days, and the school calender also will seep into the start of summer. Given the demographics of this student body, I would bet only a handful of families will be flying off to Vail or London, even if the policy is changed.

The darkness of winter naturally focuses our attention. We eat. We sleep. We study. We shovel snow.

Spring signals the rebirth of our senses, soul and spirituality. Spring is the fount of hope that washes away winter’s misery.

Mark Sheehan’s column runs

on Sundays and Wednesdays.