Out of nowhere, nowhere to go
Recovering crack addict just looking for place to call home
Recovering crack addict just looking for place to call home
Photo by Jessica Stewart / St. Joseph News-Press / Purchase this photo
Billy Thomas, right, hangs out with his friend Al Heneck Tuesday afternoon in Downtown St. Joseph. Both are military veterans and, according to them, they are always there for each other.
Here he is, in St. Joseph.
A 20-year journey of street life and crack pipes delivered Billy Thomas here, looking for support, stability and, more than anything, a place to call home.
Most times he walks the streets of Downtown and Midtown. To see him up close is to confront a rough black face with one eye off-track and deep scars on both arms from knife and bullet wounds. At 50, he said he’s been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder and paranoid schizophrenia.
Yet his clothes, hats and jewelry are fresh and clean, and he’ll share a handshake and his life with a stranger who wants to listen.
He’s often disappointed in government programs and penalties — a system that would rather punish than treat.
“I do not blame my circumstances in life on everything external of me. I blame myself for my decisions and choices,” Billy said. “But I blame the government and those institutions for not picking the ball up.”
But Billy knows that below all those complicated layers, he’s depressed and an addict. Any amateur psychologist can tell you that it’s easier to displace anger than to confront your own problems.
Here’s the thing, though. Crack is a persistent little devil.
It doesn’t give people like Billy much time to reflect, get treatment and find a home. Crack needs only one moment of weakness to send you on a four-month binge that leaves you living in a car with no gas during a brutal St. Joseph winter.
So when Billy says he needs a professional friend, someone to hold his hand, to guide him to treatment and housing, is he placing some of the blame on society? Yes. But he asks people to consider the alternatives — a publicly funded prison trip, hospitalization or burial.
“I don’t know what to do next,” Billy said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen next.”
Billy struggles with the feeling that those he’s supposed to trust most always let him down.
He said he had an abusive father whose nightly activity was drinking Old Grand-Dad Whiskey and staring at World War II movies, cussing at his memories of combat in that war. He first smoked marijuana at 13 when a St. Louis cop asked him to steal a gun in exchange for drugs.
But Billy was a grown man who had been through the military — the Missouri National Guard and active-duty Army from 1977 to 1980 — before he smoked crack.
In 1987, he went to live with his brother in Long Beach, Calif. His brother was secretly smoking crack, Billy said. One night the brothers got drunk, and Billy got “initiated.”
“The whole thing started from there going downhill,” Billy said. “Everything from sleeping in the back of vacant houses in St. Louis to cleaning my body in a fire hydrant to panhandling in a gas station lot for 11 years.”
His first night back in St. Louis, he was robbed trying to buy crack.
“I was just chasing the euphoria. I was just chasing the benefit of a high,” he said. “It was superficial and didn’t last long.”
He went to work in a factory but couldn’t maintain the energy needed to be a crack addict and an employee. One had to go, so he was on the streets from about 1989 to 2000, other than a few good stretches.
His main source of income was panhandling at a gas station at Grand and Broadway in St. Louis. In 1995, he got caught selling crack to an undercover officer. He said he was trying to make money to buy more crack. He pinches his fingers together. A little crumb along a long path.
“I got busted with a $20 rock, and I’ve been dealing with probation ever since,” Billy said.
Three months before completing probation, his probation was revoked and he was sent to prison from 2000 to 2005.
After prison, he went back to St. Louis and got connected with Veterans Affairs. He went to the Leavenworth, Kan., VA clinic in 2006 and enrolled in a homeless veterans program.
He came to St. Joseph in July of 2006.
“It was the nearest place to go,” he said. “I didn’t want to go back to St. Louis, because I knew if I went back to St. Louis, I’d die. I’d die on the streets using drugs.”
He stayed at a Salvation Army shelter for a little while and eventually received approval for federal housing vouchers.
“I looked for places to stay. All they would give me was a list of places where drugs were just rampant,” Billy said.
He’s applied to live in several places but either runs into a waiting list or is denied because of his felony.
He said a landlord approved him for one apartment, but HUD wouldn’t let him use his vouchers there because the apartment didn’t have storm windows. After bouncing around, Billy went back to the Salvation Army but had to leave because of a psychological episode.
He started living out of a car last September.
“I stayed in my car because I’m prideful. I ask you for help, and you say no, I don’t go back,” Billy said.
He relapsed.
Out of money and gas one bitter January night, he contacted the Red Cross, which put him in a motel for two nights. He also stayed in a homeless cold-weather shelter.
In February, he enrolled in a 16-week rehab program at the VA in Leavenworth. With four weeks left in his VA treatment, Wesley Towers, a senior apartment complex downtown, called and said he was next on the list.
“A godsend,” he said. “Two days later, they called and said I was denied because of my past conviction. They said I could appeal, but I was discouraged. I think I made a wrong choice by not appealing.”
He completed the rehab program in June and said he’s been clean for more than five months.
He’s staying at Wesley Towers with a man he knows, but it’s not permanent. It’s the type of place he’d like to finally have a bed of his own. Nothing fancy, just a stable place.
“When people want to change, why do we make these barriers?” he said. “That’s why people go back into themselves and fall back into addiction.”
Love him, pity him, fear him or loathe him.
“I’m honestly letting you into my life. I’m honestly telling you I’ve got a problem. I’m honestly telling you I’ve made a hell of a lot of problems,” he said. “I’m honestly asking you for help.”
Here he is, in St. Joseph.
Joe Blumberg can be reached at joeblumberg@npgco.com.
This story has 28 comments. Click here to join in on the discussion.
Story Tools
Hyperlink Legend
E-mail story
Print friendly version
iPod friendly version
Today's Top Headlines
Still looking for answers
Former teacher may face prison time
Center offers new options for treating addictions
One on the loose after running from arrest
Second visit doesn’t pay off
- More Headlines
- Recently Discussed
Let me get this straight, a cop told him to steal a gun for drugs when he was 13 years old? He sold crack to buy crack? He has post-traumatic stress disorder...from what?...crack? He was in the army from 1977-1980 there was no combat that I know of at that time. Maybe a St.Louis police officer told him to go to war for some drugs in the late 70's? This was not the closest place for him to go, it was the closest place he could go to slip into the cracks and look for handouts without drawing too much attention.
Posted by ProWrench on July 10, 2008 at 3:26 a.m. (Suggest removal)It is extremely irresponsible to print that a cop gave this junkie drugs in exchange for a stolen gun. What proof do you have? Oh that's right, the word of a crackhead, they never lie... DOH! You should have wrote that this allegedly happened, not take his word as the gospel and report it as fact.
The city of St. Louis should sue you for printing such ridiculous statements. There are many crooked cops, especially in St. Joe but I don't believe this crackheads story for a minute..
Poor me, boo hoo. Get your lazy bottom up at a decent hour, take a bath, drop the pipe and get to work! Flip burgers or even pick up cans if you have to, just do anything but whine. If you want to know who is responsible for your situation look into a mirror.
But I'm willing to help him out. I'll buy this guy a one way bus ticket to St. Louis on the condition he agrees (in writing of course) to never return here. Yes I'm serious.
Posted by kw on July 10, 2008 at 7:01 a.m. (Suggest removal)Why is this in the paper? I agree with ProWrench - very irresponsible 'journalism' and get this guy out of town. If this newspaper is trying to sell people on St. Joseph and as a place to locate a business or raise a family they sure go about it in a strange way. Articles on drinking games and homeless crackheads? I'd sure want to invest in that town.
Posted by Mr_America on July 10, 2008 at 7:56 a.m. (Suggest removal)I would gladly donate money towards a bus ticket to St. Louis for Billy. We have enough home grown crack heads. I think the drug strike force should tail our friend billy to his crack supplier. No crack, no crack heads.
Posted by Sydsgirl on July 10, 2008 at 8:08 a.m. (Suggest removal)Wow, how nice to wake up and see just how little compassion there is in St Joe today! Do addicts lie? Yes. Do people with mental illnesses lie? Yes. They also tell the truth at times. I've known addicts whose parents thought it was cute for a 3 year old to get drunk. Results-- hopeless addiction before even being old enough to get a driver's license. Corrupt law-enforcement officials are often exposed in prisons and jails. Mental illness is a downward spiral that is almost unstoppable; many medicines to help will have debilitating effects in the long run. Before you so flippantly offer one-way tickets out of town or assume the man is lying, why don't you volunteer at a homeless shelter or food kitchen or some other organization that helps the down-and-out. Remember, therefore but for the grace of God goes--- you!
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 8:14 a.m. (Suggest removal)sydsgirl, i couldn't agree with you more.
Posted by rush620 on July 10, 2008 at 8:33 a.m. (Suggest removal)Addiction is often associated with mental illness. Actually more often than not, they go hand in hand with one another. I understand the frustration of the "general public" when looking at the surface of the "homeless" situation. It's very easy for me to sit in my office or in my home and express an opinion on an issue that I have had very little experience with, however, this is an issue I know first hand about. My aunt died of alchohol related issues. She lost a child at one point,(I was very young at the time) and she just seemed to spiral from there. At that time mid 70's not much was known about depression, or maybe not much was done about depression because of the stigma attached to seeing someone in the psychology field. Anyway, she tried to self medicate with alchohol. It cost her her marriage, her relationship with her remaining children and family and eventually her life. My parents as well as her parents spent thousands of dollars trying to get her help, as she had no means of support since she couldn't stay sober long enough to hold a job. She had been sober (I think) for quite a while, but it still did not keep her from self destructing while in the states care.
I don't have any answers, only please don't judge. You don't know the demons these people are trying to deal with and unless you've gone through this, well you just don't know.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 9:02 a.m. (Suggest removal)rush, i am so sorry that you have that sadness in your life. it is always easy to judge others, and i am glad you were able to share your story. thank you for expressing compassion.
Posted by Mr_America on July 10, 2008 at 9:07 a.m. (Suggest removal)I love the way you bleeding hearts assume we haven't volunteered any of our time to help people that are down and out. I'm a realist that wants the best for my family and my city. There are plenty of able bodied people at the homless shelter and the food kitchen that would rather live off handouts than work for what they need. I do have compassion for the children that are born into rough situations, but I am tired of these people who don't help themselves. Billy needs to stay clean, get a job, and contribute something to this city besides sob stories.
Posted by wickedtruth on July 10, 2008 at 9:15 a.m. (Suggest removal)Wow! It must be simply amazing to be as perfect and all-knowing as the first three posters.
Who cares if he says a St. Louis cop asked him to steal for drugs? Or anything else he SAYS, for that matter? Do you really believe everything you read in the media? Can anyone sum up the total years of your life in truth in a mere article? I doubt it. If the article was about you and all the fuzzy little puppies you say you've saved in your life, would every single reader believe what you say? I doubt that too.
Posted by Mr_America on July 10, 2008 at 9:19 a.m. (Suggest removal)I don't claim to be all knowing. I am almost all knowing, and always right 50% of the time.
Posted by 4wildones on July 10, 2008 at 11:04 a.m. (Suggest removal)The downfall of drug use has been public for a lot of years. Those that chose to do drugs know what can happen, they know ahead of time it will follow you for the rest of your lives. He admits to making bad choices, he does not blame those choices on society even though he related events to the reporter that may have influenced him if they happened. There is help available, it might not all be free, it might not be what he thinks he needs, or exactly what he is looking for. It sounds to me like his mental health is the main issue, he says he had a place to stay but had to leave because of a mental health episode. Just because a person is a recovering addict, suffers from depression or PTSD does not mean they are entitled to any handouts, any special treatment, any freebies. The responsibility is his first and foremost and it is a battle he will fight for the rest of his life. If he expects people to overlook his past now, it is unrealistic. Hindsight and all that....if only he knew then what he knows now. I feel compassion for him but not sympathy. Keep working with the VA, they will help you but it will be their way, not yours.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 1:41 p.m. (Suggest removal)the VA is far more likely to simply prescribe more drug therapy than make the effort to provide talk and group therapy which must accompany them. i am certain that i read somewhere that the number one drug dispensed by the VA for mental health issues is xanex. it is one of the most addictive of broad spectrum tranquilizers.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 1:51 p.m. (Suggest removal)vonlarge....do you remember a little thing involving hostages in iran and operation eagle's claw?
Posted by Mr_America on July 10, 2008 at 2:21 p.m. (Suggest removal)I think he would mention it if he was one of the Night Stalkers (the U.S. Army’s 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment).
Posted by wickedtruth on July 10, 2008 at 2:54 p.m. (Suggest removal)Why should we believe your claims, Mr_America? Oh, right...because it's in print.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 3:37 p.m. (Suggest removal)i never said that i believed that this individual was in iran, or part of the failed rescue. there was , however, military action during the years which vonlarge mentioned. so glad you recognized that error, also.
Posted by 4wildones on July 10, 2008 at 3:37 p.m. (Suggest removal)Heritage are you aware that there is an outpatient VA clinic right here in St. Joseph that provides mental health, social work, and addition group therapy multiple times a week? Maybe you work for the VA since you since you seem so sure of your comment, or maybe you don't and have little idea what you are talking about...
Posted by akm on July 10, 2008 at 3:39 p.m. (Suggest removal)There are places in this town that hire felons. There are also felons in this town with jobs that pay there own rent. Since he currently has a place to stay, perhaps its time to get a job and quit waiting for assistance. He's not to old to work.
Posted by boombaladee on July 10, 2008 at 3:47 p.m. (Suggest removal)post traumatic stress disorder can come from other things besides combat. abuse, violent attacks on the street, anything "traumatic"...hence the name.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 4:07 p.m. (Suggest removal)4WW i do actually know that there is a clinic here. i also know that nationally, and locally the VA is overwhelmed and understaffed. you were completely correct that an addict is solely responsible for their addiction. if i offended you, i stand corrected.
Posted by VonHugenstein on July 10, 2008 at 4:38 p.m. (Suggest removal)Heritge...I do remember that. So you are telling me that Billy was part of that operation?... I don't think so. I have worked in food kitchens and do have compassion for people that really need the help.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 4:51 p.m. (Suggest removal)i indicated in my post that i never said that i believed that "billy" was a part of that action. it is really kind of ironic that "billy" is having trouble being a "friend of Bill". in the jargon, it is said that the addict must hit bottom. this man is pretty far down that hole, if you ask me. sometimes the bottom is death. let us all hope that billy makes it this time.
Posted by MichaelH on July 10, 2008 at 5:35 p.m. (Suggest removal)It's very surprising to read that I am apparently one of the very few who would like to meet this man.
For those of you who don't know (aka, never been in any real trouble as an adult), once you get into the system, it's very hard to get out.
I'm not making any excuses for the man, but I also know that some people have certain personalities that seem to take to crack. Crack is an unbelieveable drug and anyone who has no experience with it, consider yourself lucky. Just don't pass judgement on those who did get caught up in it because I'll tell you here and to your face you don't know what you're talking about.
I've never been one to pity a homeless person... but sometimes, just sometimes someone could use some help. Help doesn't have to mean money or volunteering to build a house. Sometimes a talk can help more than anything.
I'm not requesting we all feel pity or sympathy, I'm simply asking for people to be human beings again. It's becoming such a cold world and you have to know in yourself that shunning is for high school. Real people with real compassion is best served ala adults.
I want to meet him, and I'm going to.
Posted by MichaelH on July 10, 2008 at 5:39 p.m. (Suggest removal)Just for clarification, I am not in anyway condoning the use of any illegal substance.
What I am saying is that we have to realize that people try illegal drugs. Even presidents.
Some drugs are more viscious than others and sometimes where you're born can make all the difference in what drugs are available to you if and when you decide to try drugs.
Just asking for some compassion.
Posted by heritage on July 10, 2008 at 6:21 p.m. (Suggest removal)michael.... i applaud you for taking a stand for more humanity. so many people think that the "slogans" from the big book are trite, but to me they are a perfect expression of an addictive personality. one day at a time, follow me, you are not alone, the serenity prayer....... a sense of community can make all the difference. when you get to meet bill thomas, wish him well.
Posted by Mr_America on July 10, 2008 at 10:54 p.m. (Suggest removal)I hope he stays clean. I also hope he learns to help himself. When he learns to make it on his own, and maybe help people with the same condition then we may have a story worth printing. All I see now is "Formerly crack addicted ex-con drifter seeks free housing".
Posted by bs64507 on July 11, 2008 at 5:25 p.m. (Suggest removal)All I got from this article is that he is looking for a hand out. Not looking for a job or a way to improve his lot in life, just wants something for free.
Comments are the sole responsibility of the person posting them.
Rules: We don't allow comments that degrade others on the basis of gender, race, class, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sexual orientation or disability. Epithets, abusive language and obscene comments will not be tolerated... nor will defamation. Brief quotes are okay as long as the source is given. Blatent cutting and pasting is not acceptable.Robust, even heated debate we like. Straying off-topic or flaming, we don't. Please read our user agreement.
Requires free stjoenews.net registration.